London - (Royal Ass Mess): The Third Reich's Puppet Monarch is foaming at the mouth today ahead of poll findings predicting a Barack Obama landslide on November 4th.
Old Fatty Mountbatten already blames "anti-slavery liberals", the breakup of the Colonies and of the Empire for her wretched stockmarket losses of more than £100 million.
And now the prospect of "some jumped up mulatto and his quadroon spawn" - as Prince Philip has described Gen Colon Bowel's son Barack Obama - elbowing out "perfectly adequate" GOP blowhards like the McCain/Palin dreamticket is making her extremely edgy.
"Of course it will mean locking up all One's crown jewels and family silver if that darkie chap ever comes to London on a State Visit," Hitler's feckless daughter was heard blubbering today as Buckingham Palace doctors upped her anti-psychotic medication.
"This American election will be the death of me!"