Speaking from his luxurious hovel in Stoops Estate, Burnley, internet fiend and fraudster Jimmy Bacon today claimed that everybody who was anybody had shagged Jonathon Ross's grandma.
'It's just a given,' Bacon declared. 'She's so loose she walks around with a mattress strapped to her back. To be honest, I don't quite get why Wossy would take the piss out of a pensioner because some imbecile had sex with his granddaughter. It just doesn't add up.
'And all that laughing they recorded as they pulled this cunning stunt, well, I shouldn't have thought that somebody could take the high moral ground given that their granny has been photographed performing acts of group sex and bestiality with donkeys and things.
Wossy's grandma was a proper old boiler and no mistake.We used to have a laugh about her and the two Ronnies, and Morecambe and Wise, and Cannon and Ball, and Little and Large, and even Flanigan and Allen.
Not to mention Laurel and Hardy, the Marx Brothers and Abbott and Costello. The Three Stooges only dipped out because they were in panto.
'Honestly,' Bacon continued, 'She's just like Tesco - everybody's been there.'