Greater Manchester Police were left on tenterhooks today following a relatively trouble free night in the city.
There were no reported killings, mass brawls. near riots, serious assaults or threats of civil war.
Authorities in the city waited anxiously for news of criminal mayhem to come in to Bootle Street police station but no such reports were forthcoming.
'It's like the calm before the storm,' PC Gerry Mander of GMP commented. 'Usually when we have a quiet period like this it's followed by absolute mayhem. I'm a little bit nervous to say the least.'
A man in the street said that there was a definite calm permeating the city but that nobody should read too much into that because it would probably all go tits up at the drop of a hat.
A Hare Krishna monk, speaking from Chorlton Street bus station said, somewhat optimistically, that maybe Manchester was finally getting the message and getting all loved up and mellow.
'Yeah right, fuckin' orange gown wearing tranny muppet,' a Salford passer by was heard to utter.