Written by Phil Edgar's Bones
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Sunday, 2 November 2008

image for UK Homeless forced to live in 'Neil Buchanan's' paper 'Art-Attack' City
Residents will need to stand on a mountain to view their newspaper and toilet roll homes effectively!

Scouser Neil Buchanan is to build a city out of old jumpers, rubbish, newspapers and corrogated paper in a bid to house the UK's homeless.

Buchanan who shot to fame in the 'kiddies' Saturday programme 'Number 73, as a scouse crook and car-thief', has been given the task of building one of his famous landscape art-works to house people that 'resemble, dress, act and smell' like Russell Brand.

Gordon Brown admits to being a fan of the children's programme "Art-Attack" and while watching the programme, via a small telly on his lap during Prime-Minister's Question Time, he came up with the solution to the 'UK's housing crisis'.

People in Buchanan city will be using flip-book fires to keep themselves warm in winter and flip book cars and buses as transport. The houses and facilities are best viewed from a large hill or crane.

However the scouser stressed "while my new city will look inpressive from the moon. It is only one-dimensional and so residents may find a sprawling mansion may actually only be a pile of jumpers and toilet rolls close up".

One resident Sandi Tosvkig, said " I was told I would be living in a two bedroom maisonette and when I got close up it was actually a couple of ladies knickers, a kitchen towel and a few pieces of polysterene. I am at a loss at how to enter my new home, threw the egg carton door handle and the cornflakes packet door.

Felllow deceased children's TV, art-person Tony Hart, was said to be turning in his washing-up liquid and play-dough coffin. Cravat-wearing Tony Hart came up with a similar idea in 1981, but it was rejected as it was alleged he was a little bit 'fairy-like' when Morph his plasticine 'friend' sold his story to the scum tabloids.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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