Buckingham Palace, London, England - Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth The Second has declined an offer to join the Satanic Sluts dance troupe.
In a statement issued from the palace the reasons given were that HRH is knocking on a bit and that certain anatomical features were said to be heading in a southerly direction.
'Not a pretty sight, trust me' a palace spokesman said. 'Stretch marks and jowls just don't cut the mustard in the twenty first century. Besides that, you could land a Harrier jump jet on her arse.
'And while we're at it (at it at it) you bastards are only looking for another angle on the Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross story.
'That story has been milked to death already.
'Get a life why don't you.'