London - (Slutty Ass Mess): Septuagenarian beZimmer-framed TV chatshow host Terry Wogan is devoting an entire chapter of his forthcoming memoir to the night that he waited in queue behind Russell Brand to shag Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie.
"And right behind me were Jonathan Ross, Radio 2 presenters Jeremy Vine and Paul Gambaccini, ex-Beeb director general Greg Dyke, Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman, current BBC CEO Mark Thompson, Bruce Forsyth, the Welsh bloke who reads the news, whatsisname Huw Edwards, and two thirds of the BBC Symphony Orchestra!"
Wogan has also come out strongly on behalf of his pal Russell Brand's handling of the tryst he shared with the 23 year-old Goth slapper:
"If you screw someone of Russell Brand's stature - after all, folks, he has a fifteen inch penis! - without pay for three months you are going to feel pretty shagged out after a while," Wogan told reporters.
Jonathan Ross is in hiding.