Written by jeremy griffiths
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Saturday, 1 November 2008

In a shock announcement today, Russell Brands' management announced that Brand, aged 78, is not in fact Spanish.

Stunned fans reacted angrily when they heard the news.

As one distraught fan said,"my whole belief system has been shattered, the next thing you will be telling us is that Pope is a Catholic! or that Jonathon Woss is funny! How can I ever have trust again."

Brand, who played the convincingly authentic bumbling waiter in the hit TV show "Fawlty Towers" has also caused a diplomatic rift between the UK and Spanish governments. The Spanish have accused the British of hiding the fact that Brand is a Welshman and has recently been employed by the BBC as "an announcer." The Spanish government has also confiscated Brand's Spanish mansion, and handed it to a local charity for recovering pole dancers.

It is also thought that Brand's other role as a voice-over for serious documentaries is about shagged as well innit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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