Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 31 October 2008

image for Bring It On - Burnley Man Lays Down Gauntlet
This Can't Be Burnley, It's Not Raining

Following an internet threat of a violent invasion by Emperor penguins a Burnley man, Mr Jimmy Bacon, of Stoops Estate warned that the penguins had better be up for it.

Speaking from the lounge bar of the White Horse pub in neighbouring Padiham, Bacon said:
'Bring it on. We've had 'em all here, football hooligans, Yorkshiremen from Todmorden on stag nights, Worsthorne young farmers, the Dundee nightclub doormen mafia, scousers and mancs tryin' to give it the big one, and you know what?

'We've seen 'em all off.

'That's what.

'They've all gone home battered and bruised with their overinflated egos shattered.

'So we're supposed to be shitting bricks at the prospect of some penguins coming here to give us a bit of a ruck? Do me a favour...'

Jimmy Bacon is available for car park rucks. Fees start from the price of a pint.

The mayor of Burnley, the Rt Hon Harry Fridge was quick to downplay Bacon's belligerent response:

'Burnley folk are quite friendly really,' the mayor announced. 'They just growl a lot. Generally. I must say though that if a bunch of Emperor penguins from the Ross Ice Shelf down there in Antarctica come up here and start taking liberties...well, let me put it this way, they'll never see the Ross Ice Shelf again.

'PS Arthur Pewty is a traitor. He won't be welcomed here again. Not that he ever was.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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