London - (Sassy Ass Mess): Hampstead residents reckon their lothario comedian neighbor Russell Brand 'shagged all five of Andrew Sachs' granddaughters' and not just the eldest, burlesque glamor-dancer Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie.
Brand, 33, has regularly been seen canoodling after dark on Hampstead Heath with a steady stream of wannabe burlesque strippers including Poppy, Daisy, Iris, Rose and Two-Lip (sic) Sachs-Baillie.
"We keep finding their leather Agent Provocateur panties among the rhododendrons," NW3 resident Mrs Nora Ballsoff told reporters today.
Local gay-pride activitsts are also unhappy about the situation.
"Traditionally this part of the Heath is an exclusive gay-shagging site," Hampstead Heath warden Willy Tickla commented.
"Brand has deliberately brought the area into disrepute."