Russell Brand's Booky Looky Kooky Wook will be used, as both reading material and toilet paper by Bottywotty Council, in the West Midlands.
Local Councillor Arthur Askey said "We found toilet paper for our public conveniences a bit pricey. Then some bright spark in the council, which I shall call 'me'. Came up with the idea of using pages of 'terrible books' as bog roll."
Useless councillor demands useless BBC bosses to resign
"You see....I felt I needed to reduce my carbon foot-print, even though I don't know what it is. So I thought why not read a terrible book when taking a 'enormous shit' and then show your dissaproval by ripping out the page and wiping your shit-hole with it afterwards. You not only 'feel' great, but you experience immense power by watching the page disappear down the poop box, after flushing. You can even give 'the effluence' a little wave good-bye, if you like "
"Russell Brand should give me back my licence fee says councillor!"
"I admit, sicko Russell's book was a bit controversial as there was a risk of sexual disease and stuff from his filthy ramblings. We didn't want or kiddies and ladies going to the lavatory for number two's, wiping their fine arses and walking out with the 'dose'".
"So the council has taken precautions:
1) We have ripped out all photographs of him, minimising risk of infection.
2) We have employed 500 part-time staff to black out every mention of Brand's name in 'Booky Sooky Pooky Wook', with thick, non-toxic markers, at a reasonable cost of £50 billion or $1000 billion to the locals of Bottywotty"
Indian Curry Houses and the London Hospital for Dysentry and Diarrhoea are thinking of putting perverted, diseased, stinky Brand's Booky-wook in all their john's, bogs, lavs, dunnies and shit-houses.