Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 29 October 2008

image for Russell Brand In Home-Shopping Channel Deal?
A Valuable Tool With Which Idiotic Celebrity Arseholes Can Calculate Exactly How Much Their Gobshitedness Will Cost Them

Disgraced so called comedian and serial womaniser Russell Brand,who resigned from the BBC today in absolute disgrace has been offered a deal by a UK home shopping channel, according to our man on the inside, publicist Max Impact.

Brand, who became an instant national figure of hate following his so called 'prank' on Radio Tool was reportedly considering an offer from the home shopping channel worth a staggering sixty-three pounds a week.

'I suppose it could happen,' a QVC employee stated when we confronted him in the car park. 'I mean he's a twat and all that, what with bullying an elderly man who portrayed a dopey Spanish waiter in a legendary sitcom. But he's big news at the minute, bigger even than the US election and the credit crunch.

'Yeah, it might work. I mean, he's a familiar face and the channel would get him for virtually nothing. I could imagine him utilising his comedic talents to flog carrot slicers and Kerry Katona keep fit DVD's. Mind you, that's not really in my remit as I'm an electrician. You'd have to speak to the channel bigwigs about that.'

Publicist Max Impact, who also represents Woss, the one who really did the damage went on to say:

'Wossy's in hiding tonight, hoping that the alleged bung he allegedly slipped to Brand to take all the flak would prove adequate protection for his £18 million contract.

'To be more accurate, he's shitting himself.'

And as for Kerry Katona?

'She's just relieved that somebody, or bodies, have been twattish enough to relegate her own stupidity from the front pages of the red tops.'

Andrew Sachs and his granddaughter, Georgina Baillie aka Voluptua, out of erotic dance troupe Satanic Sluts Extreme, were reported to be grateful for the moral support that they have received from the great British public.

Jonathan Woss was rumoured to be considering an offer from Al Jazeera in case the worst should happen and he should get shot by the BBC bullet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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