Every UK household can now discover the joy of growing their own vegetables, thanks to a new scheme that has been introduced to distribute free seeds.
Gordon Brown made the following announcement today: "We are in the middle of the first recession for 16 years. At the same time food prices are going through the roof and unemployment is set to rocket.
"The banking system has collapsed across the world and we have seen depositors face the loss of their life's savings in the case of Northern rock and Iceland. Property prices are on a downward slide and of course people's pensions are hugely affected as the stock markets crash.
"We in the Labour government recognise the problems that the British public face and are launching a revolutionary policy to cope with the symptoms of the world's malaise. We are offering everybody packets of seeds, absolutely free, where they can grow their own veg and feed themselves for free.
"I have asked Jamie Oliver to become minister of free seeds, and his Ministry of Food will be in charge of administering this operation."
The world's economists wondered whether this was policy was anything other than loopy, but admitted it made about as much sense as mortgaging the UK economy for the next century.
Asked about his new job, Jamie Oliver said: "Well this fits in very well to the launch of my new book, coincidentally called Ministry of Food. As I always do, I can tie this in to my Sainsbury's adverts, my cooking accessories and tv shows."
David Cameron made the following statement: "Clearly we support this measure, but when it comes to a political party adept at spreading its seed - everyone knows the Tories do it best."