Police arrested a thirty-four year old florist yesterday for the apparent motiveless murder of dad of five, Wong Pace Wong Tym.
"We believe we have uncovered just the tip of the iceberg," said Detective Inspector Phil Inns. "In the interview, it transpired that this florist had murdered Mr Wong Tym merely so that he could increase the amount of floral tributes sold for the decoration of Wong Tym's crime scene, because he had some carnations left over."
DI Inns then went onto explain that a number of unsolved murders and hit and runs could have a floral based motive. "We think the trigger was when Diana died and florists across the land very quickly sold out of every flower they had in stock. It was a bonanza day for florists. This set up a national theme of decorating crime scenes like a Catholic wedding."
It would now appear that a cabal of florists the length and breadth of the land are in cahoots to ensure that wherever flower sales are dipping, a meaningless death occurs.
"We have successfully closed three hit and runs in the past day alone by arresting a florist from Denton," DI Inns said. "And we expect to close several more tomorrow as we are closing in on a suspect who wields pruning sheers on more than just tulips."
Inns had this parting message for the public: "Do not put flowers on crime scenes. With no market, these murderous herbaceousists will cease. In addition, my SOCO team have hay fever."