Written by Brancastrian
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Thursday, 23 October 2008

image for X-Factor Judges At War Again!
Sadly, this promising looking lot are actually men.

Both pop insiders and fans of the ITV show "The X Factor" were said to be reeling yesterday as more revelations from the hit show concerning the fractious relationship between the programmes judges were revealed.

Norwich based Girlband "Bootiful" said they were shocked to discover just how much Simon Cowell and his fellow judges had grown apart since th show began.

Lead Singer Mary Turnip said "...we heard that, when the show is over, Simon goes home to his family, as do all the other judges. We thought they had all bought a house and were living together, we were amazed that they all do their own thing when the show isn't on..."

Turnip added, "...one of my friends saw Danni shopping in Lidl the other night...none of the other judges were with her, they don't even go shopping for groceries and household essentials together anymore..."

It has also been claimed that, when one of fellow judges Dannii had a slight case of indigestion one evening after a late supper, none of her colleagues made a mercy dash to her home to offer sympathy and some liver salts. Singer Sharon O'Sharons thought this "unforgivable", saying "...I thought the least that they could do was pop round, I heard that, whilst Dannii was slightly uncomfortable with her tummy troubles, Simon was having a meal at a fancy restaurant in London-heartless I call it, heartless..."

O'Sharons, who was rejected at the first audition for the programme went onto say "...Simon said I wasn't good enough-but I'll prove him wrong, I will. I want this more than anything, this is what live for, to be a celebrity and fall over in front of lots of photographers...I am going to to this for my Nan-OK, she isn't dead yet, but she's getting on a bit-I want to do it for her, hello Nan..."

Meanwhile, it is thought that Cheryl-whoever she is and whatever she has done-has fallen out with Louis Walsh again. A show insider said "...Cheryl was at home, watching 'Eastenders', Louis, meanwhile, was in his Office, dealing with E Mail's. At no point during that entire evening did he ring Cheryl to ask how she was, she was in tears, poor girl...me me me, thats all you get with Louis. I once brought him a coffee during a break in filming, all he said was 'thankyou'. 'Thank you'! Thats all I got, for bringing him a cup of coffee. They're all in another world..."

Meanwhile, Dannii was making more news. Having reached number eight in the charts with her latest single "Ooh baby, yeah", she celebrated its record sales of thirty six by going out for a pizza with some friends. None of her fellow X-Factor judges were included. "It's going to be frosty come Saturday...", concluded the show insider, "...Simon loves pizza, he'll be devastated to not have been asked, even though he wouldn't have gone, couldn't have gone, wouldn't wanted to have gone and actually hates pizza-but thats not the point..."

ITV bosses were thought to be deep in discussions last night about how to best bring the warring quartet together again, before the show this week. However, the chances of any reconciliation were said to be slim, with new reports today suggesting that Louis, having got up this morning, had only made enough toast for himself, but none for his companions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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