As an epidemic of handbag violence sweeps the UK a government minister, Doctor Derek Vasectomy has announced.
'This is probably the greatest challenge that any government has faced since prohibition in the USA.' said the minister. 'We are faced with a surge of handbag attacks in British towns and cities virtually every night of the week, usually just after closing time.
'Young men emerge onto our streets daily and start twatting each other and innocent passers by with handbags. Sometimes the police are targetted for vicious mass handbag twattings and it really isn't good enough.
'Controls must be introduced regarding the sale of handbags, and an educational programme introduced into our schools to alert the youth of this country against the dangers of twatting people with handbags.'
The Metropolitan Police are expected to announce an amnesty on handbags within days.
When questioned about the problem, a Liverpool youth claimed to only carry a handbag for protection, and that these days most young males carry handbags.