Blackburn, Lancashire, UK - Mr Derek Nutjob was undergoing emergency surgery earlier this evening as he reportedly bit off his own testicles.
A hospital spokesman, Dr Derek Grabbyer exlained: 'There exists a certain medical condition known as Areyour ightinthefuckinhead Syndrome which sadly, sometimes prompts male individuals to bite off their own bollocks.'
Symptoms of the disease include an excessively itchy nut sack and palsied hands, with the end result being that the only way people can achieve relief from the ferocious itching of the condition is by biting their own nutsack.
Sadly sometimes these bitings are excessive, which also results in the loss of the bollocks.
'Frenzied biting is never a good thing' Dr Grabbeyer confirmed, 'Especially when it involves one's own bollocks. Besides which, it's not only painful, but very uncomfortable noshing one's own nuts.'
Mr Nutjob was reported to be stable in Blackburn Royal Infirmary, which is more than can be said before he was admitted.
We give in.