Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Paris Hilton

Monday, 20 October 2008

image for Hampstead residents outraged as jailbird Hilton eyes mansion purchase
New Topcrack Mansion resident Paris Hilton

London - (Lurid Ass Mess): Residents of North London's Billionaire's Row are petitioning the Ministry of Justice to ban feckless LA jailbird Paris Hilton from buying the £50million Bishops Avenue mansion she is renting during filming of her pointless new MTV reality cringefest.

The hotels heiress is paying £30,000 per month to rent Kazakhstani crack cocaine dealer Whorelma Permabomb's Louis XVIII-style Topcrack Mansion.

Under transatlantic rules of engagement that banned sub-prime homemaking artiste Martha Stweart from entering the UK Hilton, 27, should never have been allowed to slime her way into London, according to legal sources.

But the bulimic peroxide non-entity managed to circumvent the law because her father is George W Bush and her mother is Sarah, Duchess of York.

Hilton was shoehorned into the hotels family nest at the age of three because she was a dead ringer for the real Paris who was savaged to death by family rottweilers during one drunken pool party organised by her dipso mother circa 1984.

My New Best Freind Forever studio sources said today:

"OMFG."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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