Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: Heathrow, Witch

Sunday, 19 October 2008

image for Witch Crash Lands at Heathrow
Zelda 98

A 98 year-old hag from Manchester has crashed her beloved broom at London's busy Heathrow airport today. She lost control of her 1892 'Besom' Mk 4 after being involved with a near miss with an Air Emirates, Boeing 747 inbound from Dubai.

Zelda Haggard was en route to a WI (Witch's International) conference in Guildford when the incident happened at 08:12am this morning. Debris was scatted over the runway and the airport was temporarily closed until AAIB (Air Accident Investigation Board) Safety officials gave the all clear. Although no-one was injured, her black cat suffered cuts and bruises.

The old crone has had her flying licence suspended and may have it revoked entirely if she is found guilty of flying without due care.

Zelda told In Seine News;

"I took of from Barton Airfield a 07:00hrs hoping to be at Guildford at 08:30 when I encountered this massive airliner descending out of the early morning fog. He was head-on and so close, I could see the pilot with olive skin looking shocked. The git actually gave me the 'finger'. I had no choice but to take evasive action by pulling up so sharp that my trusty old broom, which was given to me by my mother many decades ago and with thousands of hours of flying time, stalled and crashed scattering twigs everywhere. Boy was I mad?!"

She continued…

"Tabitha, my cat, also a gift from my mum has already spent eight of her nine lives and when she came off the end I really thought the end was up for her, but she landed on all fours - this gives me confidence that she really is a lucky black cat. That pilot must have had the eyes of a newt as normally newts are perpetually drunk - he was certainly close enough to show me the bloodshot whites of his eyes and that glazed look. I guess I saw red and flew off the handle!"

"As I hit the ground with a thud, my cat landed on top of me, I cursed the bugger. I picked myself up and gathered the cat up and the fire engine and an ambulance came after me. There was no fire and I was OK so it chased me to the terminal. Now I've heard of ambulance chasers before, but I didn't think they were real - anyway I managed to escape them and caught a taxi to Guildford. Cost me £50 it did!"

Civil Aviation Authorities are puzzled why a frog was piloting the Air Emirates aeroplane.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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