(Tattenham Corner, Wednesday) In a series of dawn raids early this morning, officers of New Scotland Yard's elite S.O.B Unit (Fraud) paid a series of surprise visits in the Newmarket area of Suffolk ahead of this Saturday's Epsom Derby to premises operated by foreign nationals in the pay of bankrupted ex-BCCI shareholders normally resident in the Straits of Hormuz area south of the Shatt el-Arab.
Unconfirmed reports later stated that the trainer of Derby favourite Snow Ridge - Saeed bin Suroor, principal trainer to the McTomb clan - had been led away for questioning about the 1984 shooting of WPC Yvonne Fletcher outside the Libyan Embassy in London. "This is a complete mystery to me and everyone else", said a spokesman, "Saeed isn't even remotely related to Colonel Qaddafi, everyone in Newmarket knows that....!"
And, in a related raid in the Irish Republic, officers of the Guarda's Horseshit Division elicited "the full co-operation" of leading trainer Aidan O'Brien regarding the as yet unsolved 1981 disappearance of Epsom wonder-horse Shergar, whose untimely exit from his owner the Aga Khan's stud was generally blamed on the IRA.
Latest odds from Ladbrokes the magic sign today:
George Herbert Walker Bush 11/10 fav
Henry Kissinger 6/4 2ndco-fav
Richard McGarrah Helms 6/4 2ndco-fav
Bill Clinton 11/4 (with a run)