In an unprecedented move earlier today an MI6 Public Relations Officer released a statement, admitting that Neasden hard-man and crime kingpin Arthur Pewty is under close surveillance.
'MI6 can confirm this morning that Mr Arthur Pewty of Neasden has had and continues to have his movements closely monitored on a permanent 24/7 basis.
'Mister Pewty's every word and deed are closely monitored and analysed via a complex technological system utilising the best equipment available on the planet.
'To date there has been no evidence of any wrongdoing on the part of Mister Pewty.
However, we believe he is up to something and we shall not rest until we find out exactly what that something is.
'Rumours have abounded for many years regarding the nefarious activities of Mister and Mrs Pewty, and we have a public duty to expose and vigorously prosecute any form of criminal activity.'
A reporter from this esteemed organ contacted Arthur Pewty today at his Neasden flat in Norman Wisdom Tower Village.
He told us: 'They've been watching us for years. God alone knows why. We're just an ordinary couple. I work shifts in a factory. If you ask me MI6 are all bloody puddled. It's a pity they don't have better things to do.'
At this point Arthur Pewty made his excuses and went back indoors after flashing a V sign at two men who were lurking behind some wheelie bins.
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