Nectarines Geldof, the world famous moron impersonator, who shot to fame through, er, because, er, as a result of, er because of her daddy, has made two fantastic discoveries which may well rock all over the world (not in the same way as entertainers Status Quo, you will of course appreciate).
Miss Geldof, possibly best known for her ability to do absolutely nothing constructive, yet at the same time get into the newspapers, is currently Chairman of the Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and Tamara Beckwith depreciation society, which possibly explains why thankfully we haven't heard much from those two dimwits of late.
She has not only found a foolproof method of avoiding credit and debit card fraud, but has also developed an invention which enables people to look through brick walls.
Her father, Sir Bob Haircut, was said to be not only extremely proud of his daughter, but also extremely untidy.
Explaining her two inventions, Miss Geldolf said: "I am thrilled to announce my invention to curb credit and debit card fraud at this time of Wall Street crashes, motorway crashes and other vehicular transport crashes. My invention is called 'cash'."
She went on to explain that in the past three years of paying cash for petrol, clothes, booze and drugs, not once has she had her credit card details stolen or illegally used. She then went on to announce her other wonderful invention.
"Yes, when I learnt of all those Wall Street crashes, I thought that if people could see through brick walls, it might help prevent them. Crashes that is. So I have come up with this wooden frame with a piece of glass set in it that is put in place of some of the brick wall.
I have called it a Win-dough, because someone is going to have to pay me lots of money for my idea."