London - (Frigid Ass Mess): The Pretender to the Al Qaeda Throne screwed royal biographer Jonathan Dumblebee in a Balmoral Castle hot tub according to a new Ch4 exposay (sic[k]) to be screened next month.
Poo-pooing previous guttersnipe gossip that Charles was addicted to 'a lifelong craving for a whorsy ex-debutante from Sussex called Dale Harpic, Lady Tryon', the documentary claims he actually screwed her husband 'an Old Etonian queer and banker, Lord Tryon' in a Bogor Regis laundromat one Halloween.
The South Coast town has something of a reputation for royal ribaldry after King George V famously quipped 'Bugger Bognor' when asked if he wanted to see the Duke of Norfolk's etchings in nearby Arundel Castle.
Next month's CH4 program will show rare Palace footage of Charles and Tryon in a compromising wagonwheel threesome with Dumblebee at Lord Tryon's fishing (sic) lodge in Iceland.
The ramshackle hut is now the HQ of Iceland's Central Bank and subject to a restraining order under UK anti-terror legislation.
Camilla is pissed as a fart.