London UK: At the eleventh hour for the Anglican church, a new hero has been found for the Liberals who has single handedly halted the potential disaster of all out schism.
Religious scholar and theologian The very Reverend Clarence Minceright has shown to the world previously undiscovered scrolls thought to be from the Dead Sea area (cave 5 second hole on the left)
After years of deciphering the newly found parchment Reverend Clarence can reveal that earlier writings from the Old Testament have been misrepresented and or misinterpreted.
For example the famous line from Deuteronomy which was thought to state "Man shall not lie with man as he does with woman," has been proven to be incomplete. The new find reveals that it should state, "Man shall not lie with man as he does with woman listening to her nag all night.
Questions have also been asked as to why Mary Magdalen had a burning bush.
These and other rediscovered pieces have thrown a whole new light on Anglican beliefs and sexuality.
To celebrate, the Archbishop of Canterbury (Rowan Williams) and the leader of the Church of Africa, Archbishop Biggotabooboo are to attend the London Gay Pride March next July wearing tights and flipflops.