Buckingham Palarse - (Cold War Mess): A tyrannical swine whose spurious republican 'mother's' reign terrorised the UK for over 55 years is facing the chop.
The 100 kilo porker's fascist relatives had been keeping Albion in virtual enslavement since a WWII coalition covered up the tragic deaths of the country's King, Queen and Heir Presumptive.
But last night the massive swine was under lock and key in a Balmoral piggery.
A spokesman for Prince Charles's orifice in Clarence House said today:
"WTF? How in hell did this get out?
"We are utterly screwed."
Kate Middleton is his daughter from a previous entanglement with 'Lady' Sarah McCorquodale.