Tests have confirmed that French electricity being supplied to the UK is contaminated with C-Difficile, the super bug which normally lurks in unpasteurised milk and causes lethargy, cynicism, arrogance and untimely trains.
EDF customers have been advised not to fill their kettles with anything other than Evian bottled water and to keep the house heated to maximum temperature with all doors and windows open. A special telephone help line will be set up as soon as British Telecom has been acquired. In the meantime, customers are advised to shrug their shoulders and be tremendously grateful that it's not legionnaire's disease which is a water borne infection caused by worry.
C-difficile was originally a computer virus which escaped from a CD in Poitiers, France where nobody knew what to call it. It was then deliberately transmuted into an imaginary illness similar to ADHD and became widely available as a lame excuse for almost anything.
The following self-hypnosis exercise may be carried out by anyone wishing to check their electrical supply for contamination. Begin by closing your eyes and visualising these questions:
- Check your TV. Is it showing repeats of Top Gear?
- Is anyone in your household paying too much?
- Why do birds suddenly appear?
- When you say 'no' does it sound like 'pneu'?
- Complete the following in the most apt and original way: Vive La ...
- And relax?