George Michael, the popular singing star and the "am" bit of Eighties group "Wham" is to build his own private 'public toilet' in the garden of his London home, in, er, London.
At a press conference following yet another arrest for doing naughty things while in possession of a pair of leather trousers, the star said:
"I know I'm sometimes a bit naughty, especially in public conveniences. Sometimes I like to sniff, sometimes I like to shoot and other times I might even take a leak.
"So I have decided that I am going to build my own public convenience in the back of my garden so I can go about being naughty in the privacy of my own back yard, so to speak.
"Then, if the Police catch me with my preverbial trousers down, if you know what I mean, it won't make any difference because it will all be in the privacy of my own home.
"I'm going to also build my own courthouse with a holding cell so I can lock myself in there before I take myself before the magistrate, which will also be me. The severity of the sentence I give myself will be dependent soley on how bad I feel I have been that day.
"I'll tell you one thing though. I'm not having that Andrew Ridgley around. Oh no! He's right off my Christmas card list."