In a harshly-worded response to the Home Secretary's proposed clamp-down on kerb-crawling, Basingstoke Council have made it clear they object to any activity which may eradicate this practice.
Using words like "no", "never", "you what?" and even, despite being the intellectual property right of John McEnroe "you cannot be serious?", the Council has made it clear that it intends to go as far as appealing to the Count of European Rights should the Home Secretary issue a kerb-crawling ban. Although, that having been said, not many British councils are in any way appealing to the Court of European Human Rights.
Council Leader Tiffany Trotsky explains:
"If a kerb crawling ban is introduced by the Home Secretary, we, as a council, will be well and truly buggered.
"Whenever pavements need repairing, street furniture replacing or utlilities need to start digging, we systematically and thoroughly crawl the kerbs as slow as we can to check that everything is ok prior to the work going ahead.
"We ask the Home Secretary, how can we, as a Council, continue to operate efficiently in response to work required on the public pavements if we can't kerb crawl with our sophisticated machinery?
"We actually employ a team of ladies in extremely short skirts and cheap Avon make-up to check the kerbs and streets late at night prior to our council workers moving in with their traffic-management systems, cones, diggers and street tents.
"I'm sorry, but I think the Home Secretary is bang out of order on this. Next thing she'll be banning that musical group 'Pavement'. And 'The Streets'."