The hugely popular game of Monopoly has become unplayable after it became the latest victim of the global economic situation, this reporter has learned.
A spokesperson for Monopoly listed the various problems that have called a halt to the game:
1) The bottom has fallen out of the property market and the new building of houses is no longer economically viable. With an expansion of the rental market and reduction in new builds, each game can last up to three days
2) The exorbitant bonuses for every player of two hundred pounds for merely completing a round have put undue pressure on the liquidity of the bank
3) Vast increases in the price of rail tickets matched with a lack of investment in the infrastructure have made the prices for stations overinflated
4) Utilities no longer represent a good investment after the huge returns expected by overseas investors.
5) The regulatory nature of the game which makes a custodial sentence a likely option for debtors has resulted in overcrowding of the prison system. Given the market conditions, the get out of jail free cards are too expensive for most defaulters to afford.
The spokesperson concluded: "Monopoly used to be a game where people could play at being successful financiers. Unfortunately, the world's successful financiers have shown themselves to be useless, amoral and thick. But hey - we're just one more victim from these imbeciles' behaviour.