Balmoral Castle, Scotland - (Nikita Khrushchev Mess): NATO bigwigs reckon the IRA Puppet Monarch may not survive the most cataclysmic Autumn Equinox since Alaric, king of the Visigoths, sacked Rome in 410 AD.
"She's like some cloven-hooved beastie trapped inside a Damien Hirst pickling tank," NATO head of military intelligence Field Marshall General Prof V Smart said today.
"A sloshed cold war icon suspended in a vat of suspect moonshine," Smart continued, "totally shagged out from a lifetime of whoring for the KGB carpetbaggers behind the global market turmoil."
The appraisal comes amid reports that Old Fatty Mountbatten has lost a packet in the Lehman Brothers bankruptcy.
Palace petty cash reserves are already at rock bottom after last year's $200 billion government bail out of the Northern Crock Bank.
The Autumn Equinox is on Monday 22 September.