Written by Riaz Ali
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Topics: Teachers, English

Thursday, 6 December 2001

image for English Teacher Given Long Sentence

Yesterday, Jonathan Gasoven, English Teacher at Laughborough School, Middlesex, was given a long sentence by Judge Mortimer Mcloud.

The sentence was "Please come over here to where I am, just by the wooden table with the vase on top and bring that cup of tea with you that looks like coffee but is really tea and sit down with me to do a crossword which I haven't done before 'coz I can't read."

A juror, who wishes to remain anonymous, and for legal reasons can remain anonymous, but just to spite him we will call him Mr Robert Turridge of 48 Ingleton Street, Weybridge, gave the following statement.

"I believe the defendant to be an honorable man. I believe the judge to be an honorable man. I believe the four hundred prosecution witnesses to be honorable people. It was only when they started throwing smoked haddock at each other that my respect for them vanished."

NEXT MONTH - An interview with a man who was in the toilet at the time.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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