3 days ago all major television networks in the UK trialled a removal of all news based programmes from the television schedules in response to over-zealous viewers such as someone from Norfolk who claimed that no news is, in fact, good news.
In order to finally escape this criticism of their TV news output stations such as the BBC removed all content relating to this issue and replaced it with half an hour of Huw Edwards sitting at a desk during which time the Welshman ate a banana, coughed 3 times and pretended to have a conversation with the weathergirl amid a constant tapping of A4 papers onto his desk.
ITV viewers were treated to Sir Trevor McDonald spinning wildly around in his chair for 20 minutes and laughing at the way you can make BOOBS appear on a calculator.
A stream of complaints ensued from enraged viewers who disapproved of a flash of Michael Burk urinating in a plant pot behind the SKY News desk with a tattoo of 'Bum Off' on the back of his head.
The viewers demanded that, ultimately, any news would be good news when compared to this and so the television networks reverted back to reporting news stories at regular intervals and as a bonus 3 more rolling news channels sprung up on Freeview, including Sausages and Lemons 24, BBC Bumwatch, and Dickie Bird's White Cap and Balls.
Having been reinstated at the nations request if these new news channels don't receive good enough ratings we will all be hunted down and pelted with cats by Jeremy Paxman.