Written by Nick Cooper
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Monday, 15 September 2008

image for Clegg Faces Leadership Challenge from Corpse

As the Lib Dem conference gets underway in Bournemouth, a number of backbench MPs are mounting a challenge to Nick Clegg's leadership with a campaign to draft the legendary David Lloyd George back into office to replace him. Despite the fact that the former Liberal prime minister has been dead since 1943, the unnamed members of the parliamentary party are convinced he will be an improvement on Mr Clegg.

"Let's face it," the anonymous ringleader told me, "Clegg is a complete fucking twat. I didn't think anyone could be more boring than Chris Huhne, but he makes Chris look like a court jester in comparison and people are even getting nostalgic for Menzies bloody Campbell! What we need is a radical, a visionary, and Lloyd George is the corpse for the job."

When asked how a dead man could lead the party, the MP laughed. "A sack of bones in a suit do a better job than Clegg, and that's what we're going to put up against him. One of our MPs from Wales is currently digging up the remains and will be bringing them to conference tomorrow, where we will come out publicly and announce the leadership challenge."

Another MP hostile to Clegg, said that she supported the move, but doubted that Lloyd George would accept the top job again. "He's been 6 feet under for 65 years and while the charisma is still there, his body has rotted to dust and fragmants of bone. I can't imagine him coming out of retirement now."

But another of the plotters confided that a contingency plan is in place if the Welsh Wizard's earthly remains refuse to play ball. "We have a bucket of shit that may be interested. Anything, and I mean anything, will be an improvement on Clegg."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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