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Saturday, 13 September 2008

image for Supermarket sponsors cell biology degree to safegaurd shoppers
Go buy an "ology"

A national supermarket is sponsoring a new degree in cell biology.

Based on the the fact that all food products must by law have a sell by-date for sellers not to keep to, the supermarket is keen to employ graduates with an 'ology' in 'sell-by'.

Maureen Lipman, famous for her Beattie character in telephone advertisements in the 80's where she proudly stated her son has an 'ology', has been drafted in as consultant to the degree awarding body.

Chief Executive of the supermarket, Ripze Kustomersov, said:

"We felt this was a natural progression for our supermarket. We all have to use sell-by dates. In fact our food is so fresh, our alphabetti-spaghetti has a 'spell-by date'.

"And all our mothers love 'ologies'.

"So to employ a graduate, who, while they may not necessarily be able to speak, write, spell or punctuate, at least they will have an ology.

"And let's face it. Having a degree in Sell-by Ology can't be bad for a graduate's future. Their next employer is bound to have a HR department staffed by graduates with equally-useless degrees who are all bound to have the same lack in basic written English language communication. They won't know the difference anyway.

"Although I believe graduates are good at binge drinking. And sex. And listening to Verve CD's. And watching Big Brother."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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