The National Audit Office, the Government spending watchdog that doesn't actually watch dogs, or for that matter take a really great interest in Government spending, has obtained Lottery money to employ a new case study worker.
This funding has come about following a detailed White Paper written by former jet-setting director general of the NAO, Sir John Bourn. In the paper, Sir John details his thinking for case studies to highlight the vital work of the NAO.
He said: "When I was jet-setting off with my wife to meetings around the world, despite always travelling 1st Class or better, we noticed that baggage carousels in the world's airports are less than kind to luggage.
"I decided that we needed a study carried out as to the way cases are treated once you check your luggage in and head off for the free food, drink, newspapers and internet access provided by 1st Class Lounges.
"My case study worker will, over the next two years, visit all the major airports of the world to gather information on the treatment of cases by baggage handlers, Customs and Excise people and drug dealers who try to sneak a kilo of heroin into your Louis Vitton luggage when you're not looking.
"It's important for my contemporaries to know how safe their designer clothes are during travelling, because there's nothing worse than a National Audit Office director general turning up at a five-star hotel in Hawaii for a vital 8-course business banquet with cabaret from Tom Jones to find that their wife's Vivienne Westwood dress is missing a safety pin."