Heathrow terminal 5 was completely closed today when an entire plane load of passengers were able to correctly collect all of their luggage.
A team of 15 baggage handlers were immediately suspended for a severe breach of usual working practices.
"We just don't know what to say" said shift supervisor Bob Balls-Up, "This sort of thing can not be tolerated otherwise all passengers will expect it."
One passenger had to receive emergency medical treatment after suffering from a hypo-glycemic shock following finding that their bags had not been dragged across the the tarmac despite being clearly labelled as containing fragile items. A close friend on the same flight said "There was not even evidence that the case had been stood on and quite frankly I cannot begin to understand how this could have happened. I thought computers took care of this sort of thing."
Aviation expert Nigel Rumplestiltskin Smythe jnr said "There appears to have been a complete breakdown in the usual Terminal 5 practice whereby the luggage should have gone to the car park at Hatton Cross underground station before being left in the open for two months before any attempt to find the rightful owner begins."