Old Mother Hubbard, perhaps best remembered as the lady who went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone, has decided to take her son to the High Court over 20 years after his death because of the anguish and bad publicity his actions have caused to not only their dog, but also to the other members of her family.
Her eldest son, L.Ron Hubbard, who 'passed over to the other side of the Galaxy' in 1986, decided that in 1953 when his mother asked him to fetch said aforementioned bone, instead of fetching the bone, or for that matter getting a job to help his poor mother get the dog a bone, he'd start a cult, a method he felt was a much easier way of parting people from their money.
In a statement to the world's press outside the courts, a distraught, and still bone-less Mrs Hubbard said:
"It was the final straw. After over 20 years of scrimping and saving to get my poor dog Churchill a bone, I am no nearer today solving the poor animal's bone deficiency than I was back then. In the meantime, the poor dog has had to learn how to say "Oh! Yes" in a very deep voice and make crass and unbelievable television advertisements shown on obscure networks in order to sustain his standard of living. Not only is he working for himself, but he is also having to tell all those fibs about insurance in front of millions, just like his master L. Ron used to do. Well L.Ron used to tell fibs generally, not just about insurance."
"So thanks to my lard-arsed son who fancied himself as a god, I am now not only boneless, but potentially dogless as well. And I just can't take it anymore.
"And that's the reason I have come to court today, to get an injunction against those Scientologist friends of his, to get them stop making money for just one moment, and help me get my poor bloody dog a bone.
"Is that too much to ask?"