A William Shakespeare festival is being planned for the run-up to the 2012 London games as part of an effort to make it a 'Cultural Olympiad'. Unfortunately nobody has yet had the wit to check which Stratford the stadium should be built in.
Several historic slum dwellings in Stratford-upon-Avon have already been cleared and their quince tart-eating peasant tenants forced to dine at local restaurants at a cost to the taxpayer of £40m.
Boris Johnson, not to be out-done, has said London will put on an even better cultural festival to rival the challenge from the Midlands.
"We'll have the Dickens of a jobby festival thing in that case," he said, pointing to a case of 1872 Burgundy. " We've got a Globe theatre somewhere by the river haven't we? That ought to fool tourists into thinking they're in Stratford".
The importance of highlighting different world cultures has been a by-product of the Olympics ever since, well ever since the flame-carrying fiasco that was the run-up to Beijing really.
William Shakespeare was unavailable for comment.