Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 4 September 2008

image for Price Of Sex Falls For Third Month In A Row
A peck from two old munters: £4.50

The price of Sex on Britain's streets has now fallen for the third month in a row, giving rise to fears of a global meltdown in the industry, it has been reported.

Prostitutes in London are now charging their lowest prices for more than 30 years, and the effects of the ailing global economy and the Credit Crunch have been devastating.

The price of a kiss, for instance, is now just £1.50 in some areas, whilst a 'snog' is only marginally more expensive, at £2.50.

Touching a prostitute's bottom will cost you £3, whilst having a feel of a breast is now just £3.50, although vigorously rubbing both breasts at once, remains pegged at £5.

The shock figures are from a detailed report by the London Tourist Board into which of the top attractions in the capital are still popular with tourists despite rising costs. The sex market is probably one of the most robust, and has shown little sign of a downturn, although prostitutes do report having to work harder to maintain satisfaction levels.

One, Molly Slagg, who operates in Soho, and offers Full Sex with a Smile for just £16.99, said:

"It's harder now. The punters want it all on the cheap, but, at the end of the day, it's better than stacking shelves, innit?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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