London - (Ass mess): Whitehall mandarins are said to be rattled-as-hell after a newpaper revealed that Gustav - the eponymous (sic) Caribbean storm - is MI5's secret codename for Al-QaEda/Mossad double agent, a.k.a J K Rowling.
The Scottish children's story thief is the spawn of BBC TV presenter Anne Robinson and Bill Clinton.
Rowling was the subject of an elaborate 15 year sting after MI5 negotiated a complex peaceoffering with the Harry Potter stories' lawful creator.
This allowed the Robinson/Clinton chimaera to proceed on her humnguous career-best egofest of claiming authorship, royalties and other associated glories of the runaway chidlren's titles.
But all the time 'Gustav' as she was known has been monitored along with the rest of her mercenary spooky pals.
Jade Jagger is a bitch.