A controversy is controversing like buggery today over plans by retail giant, B&Q, who according to reports being reported, is planning to ban the sale of gardening implements.
A spokesman for the DIY chain commented:
"Gardening gear can be well dangerous so we have decided that it needs banning in all our stores. Say for example you were to be whacked on the nut by a garden spade. That might well sting and even worse you could end up dead. So quite frankly we have no choice really"
But top gardening expert and tasty bird, Charlie Dimmock, told TheSpoof.com:
"That's a load of nonsense. Who's going get whacked on the head by a spade? And what's going to be banned next? People making bombs in their sheds out of weed killer and fertilizer and that? This country's going to the dogs if you ask me. Civil liberties are being swerved left, right and bleedin' centre"
And speaking from the BBC's Pebble Mill studios, elfin-faced cheeky Yorkshire chappie, Alvin Titmarch, commented:
"There's nowt so queer as folk. Eee bah goom lad!"