Popular confectionary Jellybabies are due to be downsized to reflect the decrease in birthweight of the nations babies due to an increase in teenage pregnancy and smoking during pregnancy.
The chubby colourful little sweets are set to be reduced in size to a skinnier less healthy looking version as kids were no longer identifying with the succulent jellied sweeties. The colours will also change to reflect a more ethnic base, varying from black to yellow with the odd token pink.
However, the moulds will not be destroyed as forecasts predict that the same sickly babies will grow into tomorrows obese diabetics and the chubby delicacies will once again be back on the menu, although obviously the diabetic kids will have to buy them in secret.
Bertie Bassett, of liquorice allsorts fame, will also be updated, becoming a drug-dealing rapper pimp gangsta.