Written by Paul Bavill
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Thursday, 27 May 2004

image for Commons Security Review Actioned
New Security measures may be a bit extreme

After the "flour bombing" incident during the recent Prime Minister's Question Time. Leader of the House of Commons has delivered his review of House of Commons security measures.

Speaker Michael Martin made the announcement of the measures before today's Prime Minister's Questions.

"Following review of security procedures within the House today's implementations are the restriction of any guests of members being allowed before the gallery security screen. While I appreciate this will be inconvenient for members we must respect the need to keep the Prime Minister clean."

Opposition MPs have been furious at the construction of a 25 foot concrete wall featuring razor wire and watch towers as well as a permanent 40 strong tank division stationed in the Commons Quadrangle.

General Clive Slimworth, Commander in Chief of Parliamentary Protection W1N gave an outline of his standing orders.

"A Shoot to Kill Policy has been put in place where any person failing to respond to warnings, of Arab appearance, carrying protest banners or Conservative Party rosettes will be shot and killed."

Several Tory MPs and leading anti-war lobbyists have already been arrested under the Terrorism and Prevention of Opinions Act 2004. Under the Act they have been denied legal representation, television and the right to eat.

Claire Short and Robin Cook are due to be hanged within the week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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