Written by Rusty

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Topics: Jade Goody

Monday, 25 August 2008

image for Big Brother star Goody has the Big C'
Close up of Jade's Pap smear sample

Reality TV star Jade Cruddy has been diagnosed with cervical cancer, it was confirmed today.
The 27-year-old celebrity slapper was informed whilst appearing on the Indian version of Big Brother, known as Bigg Fat Bitch.

A spokesman said that Goody was "extremely upset and frightened and will be back as soon as they can get her on a plane".

India's Bigg Bitch producers confirmed Goody had left the house for "medical reasons". She is due to arrive back in the UK later.

"Jade had some tests carried out recently by a team of pot-holers and gynaecologists from Dynarod UK, then she went off to India to appear in their version of Big Brother," the media was told.

"Yesterday we got a call from her Dynarod consultant to say she has a type of aggressive cervical cancer known as galloping cunt rot, so she has to return to England straight away for treatment."

The spokesman added: "We put the Dynarod consultant in touch with the Bigg Fat Bitch programme producers in India and because of the circumstances he was allowed to speak to her and explain the results of her tests."

When asked if the result was a positive Pap smear test or a confirmed diagnosis of cancer, the spokesman said: "No, it's definitely galloping cunt rot."

"The important thing is to get her back as soon as possible and have this treated. Obviously there were some problems prior to the India trip - such as the putrefying green slime running down her inner thighs - that's why the tests were carried out. But she had no idea this would be the diagnosis - she was shocked when she learned it wasn't simply another dose of the clap."

Goody, who has the IQ of a barn owl, had undergone STD tests earlier this month after leaving trails of noxious slime from her vaginal discharge around her Essex home.

But she had decided to appear in Bigg Fat Bitch to make amends after being accused of racism towards Bollywood actress Slippa Shitty on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK.

According to The Sun newspaper, scenes showing Goody being told of her diagnosis in the Bigg Bitch house were not broadcast at the time due her screaming "Oh fuck, me cunt's gone rotten!" and suffering one of her regular bouts of projectile vomiting.

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