Written by Riaz Ali
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Topics: Wales, suicide

Friday, 9 November 2001

image for Man Discover Best Friend In Bed With Himself

Mr Keith Bullfinchle of Barry, Wales, today revealed to me that he found his best friend in bed with himself.

"It was awful," said Keith, tears welling in his eyes. "How can I ever trust him again?"

The friend, who for legal purposes must remain anonymous, and for non-legal purposes can be called by his real name of Jonathan Paloney, denied the allegations.

"If you look closely at the pictures," he explained, "you'll notice that there's a furry thing sticking out of the top right corner of the bed. That's my teddy - Leroy."

I put this to Keith as he stood on the edge of a cliff in Perth, Scotland.

"Look," he said angrily, "I've gone to a lot of trouble to climb up here. You're not going to spoil it for me now, are you ?"

I looked at him with compassion. I thought about his wife and children. I saw the pain and anguish in his eyes. I glanced down at the rocks below.

"No," I said and gave him a push.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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