Written by Steddyeddy
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Wednesday, 20 August 2008

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Gary Glitter's former Vietnamese room is now available for hire

A man from Hertfordshire is suing the newspapers for making his life a misery both at work and in his local neighbourhood.

Gary Litter, who lives in Hertfordshire, is being hounded and suppressed by some quite illiterate readers of the Sun and Daily Star who don't realise that not only is his name is spelt slightly differently to that of disgraced pop star Gary Giltter, but that Gary Litter actually isn't Gary Glitter at all.

Gary Litter takes up the story:

"Ever since that Gary Glitter bloke started enjoying the company of girls less than one sixth his age, my life has become a misery.

"It's bad enough when I was at school that sixth formers would hang me out of the first floor and then let go of me just because they wanted to "drop Litter".

"The fact I suffer from incontinence makes it very embarrassing when kids run up behind me shouting "peedoh, peedoh, peedoh". I don't want my medical complaint broadcasting all over Hertfordshire! Well I don't really mind it happening in Harpenden or Wellyn Garden City, because I never go there. But you know what I mean.

"And other people accuse me of hanging around outside school when the 15 and 16 year old girls come running out in their short skirts. Well, my twin daughters Anna and Hanna, are both 15, and my eldest daughter Nannah is 16 - how else can I collect them from school unless I hang round outside. And with the short skirts my daughters insist on wearing, I'm not going to let them walk home on their own with all those paedophiles about, am I? Especially now that Gary Glitter will be on the loose.

"And then people say I look like Gary Glitter.

"Do I? I'm 6ft 4in, I'm 38, I've had alopecia since I was 16 and I can't sing. Oh on second thought maybe best perhaps cancel the last one because that's a bit like Gary Glitter. But I mean, does it really sound like I'm Gary Glitter to you, eh?

"Ok I'm an Elvis impersonator in my spare time, but it's a case of "Are you lonesome tonight?" or "Love me tender" and not "d'ya wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang. . . d'ya wanna be in my gang. . . oh yeah".

"I really blame the Secretary of State for Education. If he or she would concentrate a little more on teaching kids how to spell, people would be able to read my name properly in the first place."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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