Written by LauraLS
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Topics: Music, Chavs, Teens

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

A new device has been recently tested that scientists believe will make Britian's streets a safer place. The invention in question is already a hit with OAPs who have had the use of it for two months.

"Absolutely brilliant, the yobs flee like cats from water" says Mrs Smtih aged 70.

The device in question? Little more than a recorder playing the finest classical music.

"If you see any threatening hoodies heading towards you, just click it on and release the music." The youths are unable to cope with the strains of Mozart and Bach, hands over ears they retreat back to their dark corners to recover their ears with "hip hop", but it is enough, the classical music has done it's job and one more OAP is safe.

Police are also tentatively using it for their investigatons, refusing to stop the music unless they hear what they want from suspects.

In one startling interview police leaving the room accidentally left the music playing to one known young thug who like to be known as "Hard Man Mike". On returning an hour later the results were phenomenal, the young yob had become "educated".

Leaving the interview room, Michael, as he now likes to be known, commented on the various instruments present in the piece, Symphony in D, No. 4 and preceded to discuss Mozarts career with the astonished police.

However not everyone is pleased by this new crime prevention technique. Mrs D. Gooder of London City Council claims that the youths should be "given a chance" before this music is inflicted upon them: "At the point to music is played the youths have not yet committed a crime, they should be given the chance to decide whether they are going to carry out the mugging before music is used, otherwise it is nothing better than assault on the part of the OAP."

As for it being used in police investigations, Mrs D. Gooder was incensed. "It is against their human rights and nothing more than barbaric to make them listen to music they have no interest in. Justice seems to be going back into the dark ages."

The parents of Michael are said to be suing the police who they claim to have "taken their son from them", he no longer has any interest in smashing windows or beating up old ladies. "He's just not my Mike anymore" sobs his mother. An investigation is underway and they are expected to recieve half a million in compensation.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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