Written by Tom Lawrence
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Topics: Lesbian, Wales, Welsh

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

image for "I'm not a lesbian!" claims ancient Welsh Queen
King and Queen Offa - Unietd in Lesbian denial

Cardiff, UK - Children in the Welsh capital of Cardiff claim that they have contacted the long-dead wife of King Offa through a ouija board. 'Offa's Dyke' was an ancient Welsh fortification similar to Hadrian's wall.

In 2002, noted Oxford Professor, Dick Dimwit, claimed that the term came about because Offa's wife "liked a bit of the old strap-a-dictome", the word has since become a synonomous with large, fat, cropped-haired, no-titted, bovver boot wearing lesbians who like to take on a manly-role.

"I never once 'kissed the velvet', although I thought my maid had nice tits". The old Queen spelled out. "In those days being a 'Queen' had no sexual conotation", she added, at a rate of one letter a minute.

"Offa liked his sheep, of course, being Welsh and all, but I never strayed, except that one time with King Arthur and his Knights" she confirmed.

The children involved in the alleged spirit contact have all been subjected to lie-detecor tests and water-boarding and Guantanamo Commandant, Ivor Bastrad-Attitude is convinced they are telling the truth. Once released to MI5, this will be confirmed.

Meanwhile, 'Plaid Cymru', the Welsh speaking terrorist group continue to campaign for the mound to be re-named "Fuck-Offa's Dyke" to show the continuing contemot for their English masters.

King Offa himself was unavailable for comment on account of him being dead and only speaking the dead Welsh language.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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