Harry Potter star Emma Watson today made the shocking discovery of lumps on her chest.
Rushed to her local GP by a distraught mother, clutching only a BUPA membership certificate, the starlet, managing to bypass the ex-World War 2 Kamp Kommandant cleverly disguised as a GP's receptionist, was immediately led into a consulting room.
The hastily assembled members of the press were quickly debriefed, mainly because Emma's mother has a morbid fear of journalists wearing trousers.
However, within 15 minutes, the practice senior GP, Dr Zen Senior, made a public statement to the assembled trouserless press:
"I have made a detailed examination of Emma's chest - yes chaps, eat your hearts out - er, sorry, er, and I can conclude that the lumps on Emma's chest are in fact modified sudoriferous (sweat) glands, or as they are more commonly reffered to, breasts. You know. Bumpers. Boomers. Tits. Boulders.
"I can confirm that they are a pleasantly rounded specimen pair, with no apparent defects, and should last Emma for at least the next 70 or more years. Should she fall pregnant, I believe they may produce human milk, suitable for any son or daughter she may give birth to.
"I now ask the members of the press not to be alarmed by these lumps, or to spread any gossip or rumour which may disturb young girls or increase the sales of Ok! magazine.
"Of course, should similar lumps appear on any boys not resident in Thailand, please feel free to contact the News of the World and arrange for the acceptance of a large cheque."