A Facebook group, popular with elderly people and known as 'I secretly want to entice young people into a damn good kicking by walking slowly in the street' has been exposed by the Internet Police, the shadowy figures responsible for IP addresses.
According to senior IP commanders, the group is merely 'a cover for neo-Nazi's, nasty criminals and town planners to create havoc on Britain's streets'. Typical tactics include feigning an inability to decide which way to turn at a bollard so that the inexperienced pedestrian is distracted from watching his DVD and is lured into senseless violence.
Statistics show that an emerging underclass known as 'the i-plod generation' outnumber street-legal pedestrians by seven to one. 'It makes us teenagers particularly vulnerable to provoked and sustained attacks as those tartan wheelie-bags can conceal all kinds of weapons. I punched someone once and they were all over me in seconds. I won't be trying that again' said one un-named eye-witness with the word 'Clive' branded into his forehead.
Despite repeated appeals to Facebook to close the group, it maintains that old people wouldn't know how to use computers because they are too stupid. The Prime Minister, whose name escapes me for the moment, has appealed to the elderly to show more restraint.
The Internet Police would like to hear from anyone with one of their PC's or any other acronym.