The result of late test results, missing exam papers, dissatisfied exam markers and even the use of full-fat milk in tea has taught the government a valuable lesson.
A senior spokesman for the Department for Education and the Engagement of Expensive and Useless Consultants said:
"This unfortunate exercise which cost the taxpayer a fortune and resulted in thousands of late or lost results has indeed taught us absolutely nothing.
"It is for this reason that we hope Crapita, who buggered-up the Individual Learning Accounts in 2001 and the Criminal Records Bureau in 2002 will take on this account, earn a vast fortune for themselves and cost the taxpayers millions of pounds.
"We have already established that contracting-out of vital government services is the best method of ensuring that the taxpayer receives worst value for money. We have a duty to ensure private companies can continue to pocket vast and unaccountable sums of public money for inept and incomplete work.
"It also helps ensure that inept consultants become very rich and the equally inept civil servants get to travel on a lot of expensive, last-minute train journeys and enjoy Marks and Spencer buffet luncheons.
"We're committed to making a lot of outsourcing companies very profitable at our expense, and to help public services decline.
"Now where did I put the phone number for that nice lady from EDS. They only charge £1200 to fix a mouse you know. Bally Hoo good value for money I say, especially my 25% cut."